Live Right Now

My father, singing along loudly to a song in the car after breakfast:

“You’re a bitch, baby!” Beat. “Oh, he’s saying ‘You’re a fake, baby.’ Well I’m updating the lyrics. I’m making it current for today. ‘You’re a bitch, baby!’ You hear that Minnesota beat in the background? This is some good stuff!”

Five minutes later.

“Yyyyeeeaaahhh!” He claps his hands, yells out again, and starts funk dancing in his seat. “This is how I danced with all the ladies!”

It’s good to be home.

What happens in a football-loving family when your team loses their attempt at an undefeated season…

During a phone call this afternoon with my father, the following happened:

Me: Blah blah, something very important and life changing-
Dad, straight up INTERRUPTING: Wait-I have to go! There’s a Christmas tree on QVC I need to order!
Me: Seriously? We already have a Christmas tree.
Dad: I have to go! I have to call them! I’ve been trying to order this tree since August!

He hangs up on me. My own father hangs up on me to buy a Christmas tree from the QVC channel. 

Not even two minutes later my phone rings again.

Dad: Quick! White lights or multi-colored?!

I really hope my Dad isn’t reading this. Otherwise I’m going to get a text message at 3am (because he’s one of those people who willing wakes up at 3am to start his day, mostly by watching Sportscenter and/or QVC but hey, no judgements) that says, “Really? All the grief you gave me growing up about how much you hated tomatoes and onions and now you’re willingly eating them? And cooking? About time. Now stop wearing so much black. And do something about your hair.” That’ll be in one text. Then he’ll call at 6am to say the exact same thing. Because you better believe if he’s up at 3am, you better be too. (Taken with picplz.)